Hiatus

I'm going to stop writing the blog for the time being.

It seems like no one reads this thing. Also, I'm spending a lot more time planning out my move these days.

Perhaps I'll pick up again later.

-Kaizen

Making Eye Contact

On Friday I stopped at a coffee shop on the way home from work. After a bit of small talk with the (male) cashier, I got my drink and sat down at a table and began reading a book. Soon afterward, an attractive woman walked in the door. I looked up and our eyes met. I noticed that I quickly looked away to avert my gaze. There was clearly some kind of self-limiting belief at work.

How could I challenge it? I decided to play a game. I would try to make eye contact with the next five women that walked through the door. If our eyes met, I would give her a quick smile just to see what she would do.

2 paid no attention to me.
1 stared blankly at me.
2 smiled back at me (1 of whom took a second look at me on her way out the door).

This stuff is getting fun...

Kaizen's Walk of Shame

I have an intense avoidance of being the center of attention and looking foolish. So I decided that I would put on the most hideously mis-matched outfit I could think of and walk around my neighborhood and see how people reacted to me. I dug through my closet and put on:

-A stocking cap
-A pair of 1/2-inch thick "super-nerd" glasses
-A bright red dress shirt with one sleeve rolled up
-A yellow T-Shirt over the dress shirt with a picture of two people getting married and the phrase "BIG MISTAKE" written on it
-One weightlifting glove
-A pair of grey shorts
-A rainbow belt
-One white sock
-One black sock
-One white tennis shoe
-One black dress shoe

I was truly a travesty to behold. A walking fashion disaster!

Before I left, I could hear my self-limiting beliefs acting up. "Are you retarded? Why are you doing this? How is this supposed to get you more dates? Can't you just not do this and say you did? People will think you're insane!"

I sat inside my front door staring at it. After a few minutes I worked up the courage to open it up and walk outside. I closed the door and I could feel my anxieties shoot up through the roof. Were people looking at me? I could feel imaginary eyes all over peering at me.

I cautiously put one foot in front of the other and started walking. Eventually I saw a man walking toward me. "Here we go," I said to myself. I instinctively lowered my head so he couldn't see my glasses and put my hands in my pockets so he couldn't see my odd glove. But then I realized I still had on my mis-matched socks and shoes, my rainbow belt, and my blatantly anti-marriage T-shirt. There was no hiding from this. I felt fear surge through my body.

Surprisingly, he walked by without saying a word to me.

I kept it up, and after about half an hour, I actually started enjoying it. I found myself looking for increasingly "risky" situations to put myself in. I walked past a group of people talking on the sidewalk, a couple out walking their dogs, and finally a busy street with lots of pedestrians.

I was disappointed. No one said anything to me or pointed out my odd clothing. After about an hour of trying to get a reaction out of people, I walked home defeated. No one had noticed me.

What a strange transformation! I started out scared to death, but then that feeling of fear somehow turned into a feeling of excitement! Maybe I'll go out again in my special outfit and try approaching people next time...

I'm a Slacker--An Update

Okay...Okay. I've been totally slacking on this blog lately. Let me try to catch up here.

I've been on two more dates with Capri Pants. She's been a bit unavailable lately due to her school and work situation. The dates went okay. I didn't have any opportunity to isolate her and escalate. I'm going to try again this week. I've noticed that she hasn't been opening up to me fully. I'm not really sure why that is, but it makes it hard to have a decent conversation with her. Maybe I'll just ask her about it next time I see her.

I went on another date with Long Hair too. That went pretty well and we teased and bantered and flirted a lot. I really like Long Hair...She opens up to me and plays and has fun with me. She's out of the country right now on a bit of a vacation, so I haven't seen her in a while though.

Blurting - Finally "Getting It"

I need to write about my date at the museum with Capri Pants, but it is late now and I am getting tired. I will try to find time to do that tomorrow.

I wanted to write a quick observation though before I went to bed.

I'm not sure how it happened, but something "flipped the switch" and I'm now a blurting machine! Everywhere I go I find myself sponaneously saying random things and opening up strangers. I think I've done seven or so blurts so far this week--up from my usual of zero.

They'll respond in some way. If they answer back positively, I'm finding that I'm not as quick on my feet as I would like to be when it comes to thinking up clever ways to respond to them and banter with them. But I know that this is just another skill to be learned. I remember Kory from Charisma Arts once said something like, "Learning to think on your feet takes practice. First you can't think of how to respond. Then a good response comes to you a few days later. The next time, it comes to you a few hours later. The next time it comes to you a few minutes later. The next time it comes to you in the moment, but you don't say it. Then finally, it comes to you in the moment and you say it." So, I know I'll get better with practice.

So, by Dr. Glover's book, I'm doing level one pretty well. Level two could use some work. It's only a matter of time before everything else just starts flowing. Once I can get someone to commit to having a conversation, I tend to relax and have fun.

So with that, I'll log off now and get some shut-eye. Here's to a fun day of blurting tomorrow!

The Return of Capri Pants

Well, I had officially written off Capri Pants. I figured I would probably never hear from her again.

She replied to my e-mail. She said her life has been pretty hectic lately and apologized again for canceling our last two dates. She gave me a list of times that she's available this week (unfortunately none of them work for me). She also invited me to go to the re-opening of the Seattle Art Museum with her and a "friend from school" this weekend.

Now as someone who has had a near 100% success rate of ending up in the "friend zone" in the past (due to Nice Guy tendancies), this shot up some intense red flags. It's the only time I can see her though, so I'm just going to go along with this for now and see if there's still any interest on her part. Who knows what's going on--maybe she's inviting me to go with her friend to keep things from getting too romantic...maybe she's inviting me to go with her friend to get her friend's opinion of me...maybe her friend is really her boyfriend and she wants to make me suffer...maybe her friend is really some creepy guy that she's trying to scare off by introducing him to "the guy that she's seeing" (me). I don't know. The only way to find out is to go and test. No matter what happens I'll learn something from this.

I can't believe I'm going to do this...I feel almost dirty going on a date with a girl and her friend.

A Fun Date-That-Never-Was with Long Hair

So, on our last date, Long Hair insisted on buying me ice cream at some point because my birthday was coming up.

Yesterday I was at work and one of my co-workers sent out an e-mail that said that Baskin Robbins was selling ice cream for 31 cents a scoop all day for some kind of charity. Now, I thought this could be a fun coincidence, so I called up Long Hair.

I got her voice mail and left her this message, "N___, I have the most important thing ever to tell you! This could change the fate of our lives forever! I received word today...that Baskin Robbins is selling ice cream today only for 31 cents a scoop. Call me if you get this message in time...You might get off the hook cheap!"

No reply that night.

Today I get off work and I get a call from her on the way home. She thanked me for the call and for "watching her back for ice cream alerts." We chatted for a few minutes while I finished walking home. It was a fun little experience.

So, moral of the story: Be fun. Don't take things too seriously. Be spontaneous. Trust your first instincts.

PS: Long Hair will be out of town this weekend, so I probably won't be writing about her for a bit.

Long Hair and a Self-Limiting Belief Eruption

This weekend, Long Hair and I went to a museum. It was a good exhibit, but I guess her and I just get along too well--I had a hard time keeping quiet and looking at the exhibits. I just wanted to talk with her.

They kicked us out of the museum at 5:00 when it was closing time. We took a quick stroll through a park and then we got some dinner at a nearby restaurant. It's really amazing how much easier things become if you just take the lead and guide the woman along.

We went back to my place and watched a DVD in my room afterward...

She is too much fun. We get along a little too well. I'm really going to miss her when we both have to split up and go our separate ways. I feel kind of guilty beginning things in what should be a time of endings.

It's a self-limiting belief, I know. I'll have to bring it up with Dr. Glover this week. How can I keep trying to date these women when I'll be moving out of state in two months? It all seems so pointless.

On the other hand, I know it's not about the women. It's about mastering my own mind so I can become a better man that lives the life I want no matter where I live. Still, I'm afraid I'll hurt them...like it's some kind of cruel joke or something.

Letting Capri Pants Go

I made a date to see Capri Pants this weekend. She canceled on me at the last minute. She said they called her into work to do a lunch shift.

She is authentically a very busy girl, I know. But maybe she has low-interest too. I mean, she refused my kiss, then she cancels two dates. She was very apologetic and expressed interest in seeing me again though.

I sent her an e-mail:

Hi R___,

I'd like to see you again sometime, but it seems like you're too busy these days. If you get some free time, let me know. You know how to get a hold of me.

Take Care,
C___

So, I guess this could be the last I'll be writing about Capri Pants. Too bad. She was cute. Sometimes you have to be willing to walk away though.

The ball is in her court...

Mall Date with Long Hair

I feel bad about making Long Hair drive up to visit me all the time, so I met her at a shopping mall in her town on Sunday. She was wearing flip-flops, a skirt and a pink blouse.

We both had a really good time. We started by walking around the mall and she showed me all the stores. We went into a clothing store so I could get some warm-weather clothes for my move to Arizona. She helped me pick out some clothes with her sharp feminine eye. We both have a similar taste in fashion.

This week I've been practicing blurting and bantering with people everywhere I go. I had a good blurt with one of the checkout girls at the department store. I was buying a Jack the Ripper T-shirt with fake blood splatters on it.

Me: Hi. How are you doing?
Cashier: Pretty good.
Me: This shirt has blood on it. Do I get a discount?
Cashier: (rolls her eyes and smiles) Maybe if it was real blood.

That was fun! After that, Long Hair and I had lunch in the mall then we looked at a few more stores, got our picture taken at one of those photo booth things, and got ice cream. We had a really good time and had some good conversations. I did a little flirting too. Even though we've already had sex, there was still some anxiety about verbalizing sexual interest. I did a good job taking the lead through the date. I always had my doubts about "mall dates" but now I know that they can be pretty damn fun!

I like hanging out with her. She's really easy to talk to. I don't have to memorize topics to talk about with her before our dates in case the conversation dies out. I just have to show up and open my mouth. Somehow I seem to just say the right things and the conversation keeps flowing naturally. She's pretty good at bantering herself.

I'll miss her when I'm gone.